21 May 2012
So recently on twitter, I’ve seen several women boast that they are excellent wife material. I suppose by definition, they’re absolutely right. They are the materials that can eventually make a wife, just like a tree is material that can eventually make paper. However, it should be noted, that the final product has not been made, and it may not ever become the product, it just has the potential to. As far as a tree is concerned, we wouldn’t be making 200 count lined paper out of that tiny branch sprouting out the ground, it has to mature first. We also wouldn’t make paper out of the fully grown tree that has tons of rotting areas, at least until we remove them first. The same can be said for women, if she hasn’t matured she’s not really ready to be made someone’s wife. If she’s got rotten areas, caused by things in previous relationships or experiences, until those things are addressed, she’s not ready to be made into a wife product available on the market. So let’s get right down to business.
#YouArentWifeMaterial If you’re still stating how independent you are and aren’t ready to let go of that title. Look, I’m all for women’s suffrage and accomplishments, shoutout to Susan B. Anthony, but don’t let that Beyonce album confuse you because remember her next album after was “Survivor”. Independence needs to be demonstrated not spoken. I won’t go around saying “hey marry me because I’m a man and doing my manly duties”. Watch me work, see if you like it, and make a decision. While men want to select a woman who has had some independence and cut the dependent ties from their parents, exhibiting the ability to financially take care of themselves, balance a budget, and strive alone, we can notice it on our own. We don’t need you to point it out. Be reminded, men are independent too, but you don’t hear us screaming independent men all the time. Independence does not fit well into teamwork. Marriage is exactly that. Screaming independence almost sounds like you telling us that you don’t play well with others. Miss me with that. When you’re ready to depend on me and allow me to depend on you, working towards a common goal utilizing team effort, get back to me.
#YouArentWifeMaterial if you’re talking to your significant other or guy you date like they’re your employee. Leave that at work. I will be the first to applaud you on your accomplishments and success. I’m glad you’ve moved up the ranks at work, manage a large team, have that fighting dog work persona, and are respected and feared by your employees, but boo I’m not one of them. Men will work with you but we don’t work for you. This is an equal power dynamic. I reserve the right to disagree and simply not comply with what you think should be happening. I collect no salary from you and last I checked if anything you should be checking with me more often than the reverse. Remember, in a relationship your comfort is going to come in being secure, which you’ll get once you trust me, which will come once you let me take over and demonstrate to you that I can act on our behalf with your best interest above my own. Note: a man really about you will always place you above himself.
#YouArentWifeMaterial if you’re talking to your significant other like they’re your child. Kelli Price told you, you’re not my daddy you’re my man, I’m not your mama I’m your wife. You dictate to your kids. Why? Because you’re legally responsible for them, and because they aren’t able of making proper decisions. They lack experience. If your partner is similar to a child, then you failed more than they have. Therefore, don’t talk down to your partner, don’t give orders and expect things to be done on your time, and don’t have a stunned look if there is resistance. Adults respect adults.
#YouArentWifeMaterial if you’re answering questions for your man in public and not letting him speak, or if you’re constantly arguing with and criticizing him in public. Look, the man is the face of the relationship. The representative. While the inner strength may be hers, the external strength is his. It’s why when they lose their house society doesn’t say she wasn’t responsible, they look at him. It’s why the family last name is his. Your doing those things takes away from his masculinity, the same masculinity you’ll need to defend you physically, defend your honor, and be perceived by society. In relationships where the man is soft, everyone will try their dynamic.
#YouArentWifeMaterial If you suck at marriage intelligence. Assume our business is top secret. Keep it between us, or at the very least, make sure your consultant team is properly vetted and knows the rules. They better keep this information to themselves, on a small consult team is needed if any, and they better not ever, I mean ever, directly take any information back to the primary. Men already hate opening up anyway. Why? Because we’ve been taught to not show emotion or show very little. In addition we’re in denial about some of our emotions. Our survival skills have taught us to trust few. If we start giving you information, shut your mouth and listen. Once you start talking, we’re done. Once our secrets whether individual or as a couple come out, we’re shutting communications down. The first time your girl comes to me about something I did or said that was to be between just us, it’s going to go bad for both of you.
#YouArentWifeMaterial you can’t shut your mouth and listen to EVERYTHING I have to say first, before commenting or constructing your rebuttal. Who can play the silent game longer, men or women? Men. I promise you we know more about you than you know about us. We hold on to our secrets and emotions. Even when you think you know, you probably don’t. Men divulge intimates in layers. I’ll give you the tier 1 story. It might super elaborate but lacking all key things to true insight. The better you are with listening, understanding, reacting, I’ll double back and give you tier 2. Much more detail and back-story. Handle this well and you’ll get tier 3, the stuff my psychologist has never heard because it’s only physically been said 2-3 times most. We want to tell you, but so often, you can’t listen. You hear half then assume. Let a man talk, rant, rave, for 10-30 minutes and don’t say a work, or provide your opinion or solution. See how much you learn. Trust me.
Here’s the whammy!
#YouArentWifeMaterial If you don’t respect gender roles and follow them. Stay in your lane. Here me out though. When a woman stays in her lane, it's easy as hell to spot the vacancy. You can see the man's lane, and if he's even in it, & driving the car. Yall miss this concept every time. Men drive the car and women provide occasional guidance and direction. Otherwise just be a passenger & ride. Stop dictating where your relationship goes. See where he takes you. If it's not to your liking, get off the ride. Men aren't making changes, his style is his style. Your wants are your wants. If they don't fit now, they won't later. A woman doing all the work in the relationship might work, but you're going to get tired boo. You know what's worse than a man who won't? What's worse than a man who won't is a man who doesn't know how. I know you think it's easier to teach. Lie. It's easier to motivate. Everyone has an issue with the gender roles one. That's fine. Keep doing his job. You'll get tired. Trust me. Here's the deal. It's perfectly ok for a woman to know how to do everything. But it's key for her not to. Because on the flip side, you won't find men taking on the woman responsibilities. This is where yall should apply the women are smarter than men card. Yall can learn to do everything we do. We can't learn how to do yall. As soon as women get of the 'I can do it all', you're going to create a space for him to be doing what he's supposed to. If there's a gap, you'll see what type of man you have. Don't you all want the comfort of knowing you can let it all go and he'll take care? I prefer my wife to have the housewife do nothing option, but chose to work, rather than her be forced to grind because I can't hold it down.